Reflections on Birth: Redeeming

Jesus answered not only my specific prayers but went above and beyond…like he is prone to do. I secretly did not want a fast labor. Anyone can do anything for 20 minutes, right? I wanted to make the choice to be home, to keep laboring, to endure, to see it through by his strength in me. And this was my longest labor. My biggest baby. Contractions started Saturday - scattered and not painful. All of Sunday night I had them and they kept waking me. He was born 11:48am Monday 9/8. I pushed for 50 minutes. I had no idea how big he was, I thought I was just so tired from the lack of sleep and longer labor. I prayed that I would have time with the boys before it got intense…and he came in the morning so I didn’t have to wake them during the night. The boys sat with me through contractions and rubbed me, Richie read me psalm 23. “I am not alone” came on by Kari and the emotion started as I held their hands. My mom came and rubbed me as I contracted over my bed. I never laid down strapped to a bed like previously. I had a few in my dark closet. My dad came in as the midwives showed up and cried when he saw me, “my hero” he said to me. I held his hand through a contraction. I was so happy to see Pam’s face and reached for her hand. My mom would sing the worship songs playing over me. No doctor touched me. No beeping. A dark quiet room and space. I never felt anxious for the next contraction - there was no monitor to tell me when one was coming. I focused on each one as it came. “Forgetting what lay behind and pressing on toward the goal…” 

Pam invited me into the pool. I contracted and my knees wanted to go down low, I heard her say I would start pushing soon. My contractions were still several minutes apart but felt very intense. I prayed silently for God to provide the rest between. I was nervous they would start overlapping but a calm steady trust covered me, releasing fear. The warm pool felt sooooo wonderful. I sunk into it. I started to feel small pressure and had an uncontrolled few pushes through contractions that were still giving me rest in between. Later on I asked if she would check me, I wanted to know it would be over soon. A little voice inside said “trust me. You don’t need to know how far you are.” I remember reminding myself every contraction would bring him closer and even said to myself “bring it on.” What!! 

I remember hearing different songs come on. Waterdeep sang “you have redeemed my soul…” I remembered the picture of Jesus on my mirror. He was with me, my gentle father covering me. He never left or forsook me because of the man on my mirror - because he endured agony alone - I never had to. Pam had me move on my back to help my cervix move out of the way. The pushing felt stronger here. My mom and David held me up so I could fully succumb to rest in between. I still had beautiful resting time in between - how good is God! They got more and more intense I started to feel him move down closer and closer. I heard her say something about clamps but did not feel fear. It was calm and peace. I felt his head and heard her say we had a chord. Again no panic, only trust Jesus was with me and it was almost the end. Finally the last contraction came and I gave it everything I had - I did not make a sound the last time, Jesus carried me. He was here. I heard the first cry as I laid back my head realizing it was over. They laid him on me. My hands went up in worship and praise thanking God. Total surrender to him, and he carried me. It was absolutely perfectly sacred and holy. I finally looked down at him and was flooded with tears at his face and his cry.

The moment I had dreamed of had come - it was over - he was here - we did it.

Triumph.